Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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