4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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