she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
