My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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