I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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