Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Are we still banned from the library?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
