Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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