I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
