All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
