the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
