He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I got inside last night via doggy door
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
