You're my little dorito
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
