i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
