is your mom at the bar?
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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