I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
