So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
