just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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