New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
