you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
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