She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
