College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
