don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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