I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
