I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
