Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
