Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
