Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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