Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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