"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
