My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
