U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
