I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
