yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
