My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
