I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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