Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
