Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
