Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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