yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
