I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
