I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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