there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
