There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just had sex bonerless
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
His nipple licking is glorious
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
