my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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