Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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