There was a lot of him and a little penis
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize