I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
