Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
