I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You've changed since you got that strap on
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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