why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
