So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
