You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
jump out the window naked night went bad
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
