So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
