You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
