we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
