I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
