M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
