omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
