This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
