I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
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Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
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I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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