Don't you send me to vm
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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