I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I AM VODKA MAN
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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