he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
