just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
