God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm just crazy horny about you
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
