i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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