the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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