He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
