you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize