never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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