also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
